Dinner theater

In the previous post I alluded to some feeding issues in the Mautino household.  This topic may be TMI for some, but here it is. 

By the second day in the hospital I really thought we had the breast feeding thing down.  The first night, not so much, even with all of Cayce's help.  However, after some rest I thought Lily and I had come to an understanding.  Knowing that I happily left the hospital with my baby and looked forward bringing her home.  Once home the feedings didn't seem so hot.  There was only one good feeding during the day, and the rest of the feedings were fussy and ineffective.  Lily did not sleep that first night.  We were back to a baby who demanded she be held in order to sleep.  Cayce and I were desperate.  We even tried a pacifier.  That did allow us about 45 mins of rest, but she was back to crying and rooting.  Her frustration was so apparent.  My heart was breaking for her.  Cayce and I were exhausted that second day.  I tried to nap, but no such luck.  We had company and peace was not to be found.  That night I cried to Cayce.  My anxiety about the night time was palpable.  I knew I wasn't feeding Lily enough, but everyone kept telling me she was fine, babies get fussy.  I could not spend another night sitting up holding her, but it's what had to be done.  I thought maybe this is just what motherhood was supposed to be like.  Maybe my lot was to stay up a night consoling Lily and maybe napping during the day.  Lily had a doctor's appointment the next morning, and I was dreading what I would hear from the Ped.  I just knew he was going to tell me Lily would have to be a formula fed.  I know it shouldn't matter how my baby is fed as long as she's fed, but I WANT to breast feed.  I know it's what's best for her, and it shouldn't (in my mind) have been that hard.  It's literally second nature.  Not for us.

We made it to our appointment in the morning, and I was a ball of nerves.  Lily was weighed and she came in at 7 lbs.  7 lbs.  Remember when she was born, 4 short days earlier, she weighed 7lbs 15 oz.  I had starved my baby.  How could I have been so stupid?  Of course that's why she was fussy and miserable, she wasn't eating.  Dr. E discussed the situation, and it turns out my milk had not come in.  Even though she had the dramatic weight loss, he didn't tell us it was time to switch to formula.  He believes breast milk is the best, and he gave us some great tips for helping bring in the milk.  In the mean time he wanted me to continue to try to breast feed, and after each feeding supplement with an ounce of formula.  Okay.  We can do that.  Dr. E asked us to come in the next day and we'll weigh her again and see where we are as far as my milk.  I left the office with a sense of hope, and excited to have a plan of action.  On our way home Cayce stopped at a GNC and picked up the Fenugeek supplement Dr. E suggested I take, and bought a bottle of beer Dr. E told me to drink.  In the car I took the Fenugeek, and we hurried home.  As soon as we got home we prepared a small bottle of formula, and Cayce got to feed Lily for the first time.  It was special for all of us.  Lily was clearly thrilled to be eating,  Cayce was excited to feed his baby, and I was relieved to know Lily was being fed.

                                                                       Proud Poppa!
Following the feeding I had lunch and headed to the bed for a nap.  I napped for about an hour, and then was awoken by company.  When I woke up I felt different.  Low and behold my milk had come in!  I tried nursing, but after a few long days of Lily working diligently for something that was not there she refused to latch.  No problem.  I was not discouraged.  I pumped!  She LOVED the breast milk!  She gobbled it down.  Cayce and I worked a routine.  I would try for a few mins with regular feeding, and then when Lily made it clear she was not going to latch I'd hand her over to Cayce he'd give her a formula bottle, and I'd pump.  This worked really well for us.  The miracle of it all, besides a happy fed baby, Lily slept through the night, except for when I woke her up to feed.  It was wonderful.  The next day we returned to Dr. E's and our baby had gained 2 ounces!  Dr. E was thrilled, and I was thrilled to tell him the story of my milk coming in.  Lily was given a clean bill o' health, and we were told to come back for her 2 week check-up.

Cayce and I continued our routine for a few more days, but supplementing more breast milk as my supply grew.  Lily continued sleep through the night, so well in fact, that on the third night my alarm did not go off for the 2 o'clock feeding and she did not wake us up until 4:00.  She was apparently SOOOO hungry at the 4:00 hour that she actually latched!  We ran with that.  I was doing scheduled feedings with Lily, but decided to do feeding on demand, but ensuring she does not go more than 3 hours during the day without eating.  Lily has latched awesomely, and we're still supplementing here and there with formula just so Cayce can enjoy feeding her, and she can get some vitamin A.  Yesterday was a doozy.  She was literally feeding about every hour and a half, and I feared what last night would bring, but nope she slept from her 11:00 PM feeding until 4:30 AM, granted she woke me up an hour later demanding to be fed again, but she happily took a bottle and slept again until nearly 9:00.  She's on a better schedule today, going 2 and a half to 3 hours between feedings.  I'm feeling very grateful to be able to feed Lily.  It's silly I know, but I've always known I would breast feed my children and when it looked like that wouldn't be the case for Lily I was crushed.  Hopefully we'll keep it up! I'm also grateful for the amazing amount of support Cayce gave me during this time.  I'm glad he went to the breast feeding class with me and was able to help me keep my cool and remind me of techniques.  Cayce's been on paternity leave, and I could not imagine doing these first 12 days without his help.  It's going to be very sad tomorrow when he returns to work, and I'll count the hours til he comes home to Lily and me. On the shallow side Lily's helped me lose 35lbs so far, and I actually think I may be to my pre-pregnant weight by my 6 week postpartum check-up. :-D 

The birth of a miracle

One  week one day later-

Now that I have a few mins to chat I thought I’d share the story of our wonderful, fabulous, diva baby Lily. 

On Thursday, March 18^th, 39 weeks pregnant, Cayce and I went to a late afternoon OB appointment.  In usual fashion the appointments were running behind.  Once we finally made our way back to the ultrasound machine we spent a while just watching Lily.  She had beautiful fat rolls.  The tech spent some time, again, watching for “practice breathing,” and once again Lily did not perform.  The OB came in during our session and the tech told her there’s plenty of amniotic fluid, “enough for another week.”  Dr. M says, I don’t think we’ll go another week, more like a couple more days.  We finished with the tech, went back to the exam room, and Dr. M came in.  She did a quick cervix check.  Still at 1 ½ cm.  Lily’s still sitting pretty high.  My blood pressure was still high. Surprise.  Surprise.  She asked me if I was more ready to have a baby than I was earlier in the week.  Of course I was.  Then she’s sending us over to the hospital to have a baby. She’ll meet us over there with Cervidil and get the show on the road. Well then.  We’re having a baby.  The whole OB office was super excited for us. Oh, I just want to take a second here and rave about our OB care.  For those interested, or ever stuck in Beaufort, SC for the duration of pregnancy, Beaufort OB/GYN has given us the most awesome care.  My initial appointment had  me crying to Dr. M because she was the first dr. in 5 years to actually listen to me regarding possible fertility problems.  After suffering a miscarriage, an elusive menstrual cycle the 5 years prior, and being told by countless Navy drs to lose weight and then we’ll talk about possible fertility problems just having someone take me seriously and really talk about options was all the encouragement I needed.  One visit with Dr. M and I walked out of the office with a script for Clomid and a new found sense of hope.  Fast forward one hormone induced crazy month, one amazing trip to Walt Disney World later, and I’m peeing on a stick seeing a big fat “PREGNANT” for the first time in 5 years.  I was scared, worried, and amazed.  Our first OB appointment all the way through delivery and the days following were filled with awesome support and wisdom. 

Back to the subject at hand!  Lily! Once again, Cayce and I do not have our hospital bags.  One really would have thought we would have at least brought one of the bags.  Nope not us.  So we walk on over to the hospital.  I get into that pretty gown, strapped to an IV, give up some blood, and let the reality of what’s about to happen sink in.   

T

This is why I was induced.  See the MASSIVE amount of swelling!  Dr. M hadn't seen someone as swollen as me without Pre-Eclampisa.

Cayce heads on out to our house to pick up our belongings, and while he’s gone Dr. M comes in to administer the Cervidil.  That was painful.  So at this point I am stuck to the bed for two hours.  No bathroom trips for me.  Who cares there’s still a big baby sleeping snug on my bladder?  I met the two hour mark with elation and a happy trip to the bathroom.  That was pretty much the highlight of the night.  I was strapped into an electronic blood pressure cuff (taking readings every 15 mins), hooked to the IV, and sporting two belly monitors.  Every hour I was STILL peeing.  So every hour I managed to crawl out of the bed maneuver the IV stand around the left side of the bed (once unplugged from the wall), disconnect the blood pressure cuff, and disconnect the belly monitors.  Then I hobbled to the bathroom, hobbled back to the bed and reattach everything.   On top of all that the night nurse would NOT let me lay on my right side, AT ALL.  Every time I tried she blew in and made me flip.  Boo.  Oh and duh, I was giving birth the next day.  I was given a sleep aid yet there was no sleep to be had by me.  None.  All night I kept fantasizing about the hot shower I was going to take in the morning.  When I was checked in I was told the schedule was, Cervidil, night time, shower, cervix check, Pitocin, Epidural.  Well, when morning time came I met the night nurse wide eyed and asking about my promised hot shower.  She tells me, um no, you should have mentioned that last night.  WHAT?!  I was exhausted and anxious and ALL I wanted was a few mins of freedom in the shower.  Now that was not an option.  When she left the room I burst into tears.  Cayce came to comfort me.  I was sobbing.  I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the labor.  I had no energy, and the one thing I had pegged my hopes on was being taken away from me.  I just didn’t know.  Meanwhile Cayce’s been so excited about what’s to come, and I think I may have been freaking him out a little bit because my attitude was a little sour.  I was just scared.  I finally  I psyched myself up and started my bathroom routine.  In walks an angel on Earth.  Meet Day Nurse.  She asks me if I was the one wanting a shower.  YES!  The dr. has okayed it for me to shower.  The nurse just needed to cover my IV site.  Oh sweet relief.  The shower was MAGICAL!  Exactly what I needed.  So I finally get out of the shower and get hooked back in.  

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Don't I look like a happy showered girl... note the lack of sleep written all over my face.

 A few mins later Dr. N comes in for the check.  The 4 centimeters!  YAY the Cervidil worked. The night of misery was worth it!  She orders the Pitocin, and Dr. N tells me at any time I can ask for the Epidural.  I mull over that for a while.  Angel nurse comes in after a while and I ask her.  Once I get the Epi I get a catheter right?  Yes.  Well, really that is worth it to me.  I’m so tired of the bathroom routine, and as lazy as it sounds the idea of the catheter sounds like a trip to the spa.  I tell the nurse I’m ready for the Epi whenever they are.  By the time the anesthesiologist makes his way in I’m feeling the pain.  The Pitocin is working.  Cayce’s kicked out of the room for this fun procedure.  By the way.  I LOATHE needles.  Angel Nurse is with me, and the Dr. is super chatty and trying to relax me.  I’ve got my face buried in the arms of the nurse, hugging the pillow for dear life.  Tears are quietly streaming down my face, not for pain, but for fear.    FINALLY the ordeal is over.  *Deep breath*  It wasn’t that bad at all.  All that hub bub for nothing.  I thank the Dr. telling him the Epi was what I was most worried about, and he did an awesome job.  Now I’m ready to have a baby.  After a short while I start to feel all nice and relaxed, and the elusive sleep from last night has found me.  I fell asleep.  I slept, and slept, and slept, and slept.  I literally slept away the day and the majority of our labor.  I slept from about 10 in the morning until 5:00 that evening.  At that time Dr. N came in and checked my cervix.  We’ve reached a big fat 8!  Woo hoo!  All the bad things I’ve heard about Pitocin and Epidurals, how they slow your labor, make it difficult, yadda yadda yadda, did NOT apply to me.  My body reacted exactly as science intended for the meds.  Dr. N says, well it’ll take a couple more hours to finalize and then we’ll push.  Eh, okay.  However, shortly thereafter I start to feel incredible pressure.  Dr. N comes back in at 5:30 and checks, 10!  10!  So much for a couple more hours.  She says we’ll start pushing in about 20 mins.  I spend the next 20 mins watching the clock and breathing through the contractions.  Twenty mins comes and goes, still no Dr. N.  Thirty mins passes, still no Dr. N.  Another 15 mins passes and still no Dr. N.  Enter Blondale, new night nurse.  She asks how I’m doing and I say I’m really ready to push.  She says she’ll check and just make sure.  Sure enough it’s time to push.  She looks at Cayce tells him to hold my left leg and we’re going to start pushing.  Just the three of us.  Blondale, Cayce, and me, we’re going to start working.  Now, originally Cayce and I had discussed that he was going to be playing a purely spectator role in the labor.  His view would be from the shoulders up.  So now here he was totally in it.  He was not given an option either.  I could be graphic and get into all the nitty gritty, but the bottom line is this.  6:15 we started pushing.  I didn’t scream, I whimpered a bit, struggled to breathe (that’s when Cayce came in super handy b/c he was able to coach me to breathe correctly), and felt pretty much the entire time that there was no way I was going to be able to push Lily out.  However, promptly 30 mins later Lily popped out.  I was crying.  I couldn’t believe it.  She was there!  She wasn’t crying, but she was mewling.  They laid her on top of me and I just kept looking at her.  She was here!!  Cayce cut her cord (something else he thought he didn’t want to do), and they took her over to the warmer, where she promptly had the first of many poopers (yes we are those people).  I teased Cayce he actually cut her cord, just like I told him he would when he was in the middle of it.  

                                                                                  Here's Lily!!

 After her mess they took her to the bath, cleaned her up, and then, bam poopers again.  So another bath.  In the meantime Dr. N’s still taking care of me and I’m merely a spectator now.  I’m just watching all the busyness around me.  Cayce’s right there every step of the way as they’re taking care of Lily.  It’s obvious he’s not going to miss a step.  They finally weigh her, 7lbs 15oz, 20 inches long.  God she’s beautiful!  It takes probably 30 mins for all the aftercare to wrap up, and then FINALLY she’s all mine.  Holding her is a dream come true.  I don’t know when the tears finally stopped, but about an hour after she’s born Cayce’s co-workers, boss and his wife all show up to welcome little Lily into the world.  Phone calls, text messages and the like are all sent out.  At nine the visitors are kicked out and Cayce leaves to get himself some food.  I’ve already been fed.  The BEST cheeseburger I had ever tasted in my entire life… seriously.  THIS hospital food is not bad at all.  Around 10 or so I ask to be unhooked from everything and shower.  There was no way I would have been able to sleep without showering.  The nurse was surprised I wanted to shower, but hey what can I say?  The shower felt great, of course.  Following the shower Cayce and I spend the next couple of hours holding and cuddling our baby.  

                                                                                              So in love.

                                                                                      Daddy's kisses!

 We moved to a Post-partum room around 12:30 AM, crazy right? But we did.  It was much more comfy.  Not that it mattered.  We spent the majority of the night not sleeping and trying to feed and soothe Lily.  I spent a lot of the night sitting up with her crying.  She refused to sleep in her bassinet and would only settle if held.  Finally around 6:00 AM the nurse came in, and I was holding Lily.  I was honest with her.  Told her I hadn’t slept and feeding had not gone well at all.  I explained that Lily was frustrated and it broke my heart which didn’t help the situation, and asked if Lily could spend a few hours in the nursery so I could get some sleep.  Marsha was kind and didn’t judge me, she sweetly swept Lily away to the nursery and I cried.  I cried and cried and cried.  What kind of a mother was I?  Twelve hours in and I’m sending away my baby.  Twelve hours in and my frustration has left me helpless and incapable of feeding my baby.  Cayce crawled into the bed with me and held me ‘til the tears stopped.  I finally slept.  It was only for three hours, but it was restorative.  I met Lily at 9:00 and was determined to make it work.  The day was spent sleeping, cuddling, and trying again to nurse.  Cayce changed about 10 diapers and I changed 1.  He’s super dad and the super swaddler.  Lily loves to be swaddled.  Cayce and I decided that the BEST thing for us was to send Lily to the nursery for the night and have her brought in every few hours for feeding.  This worked SO much better.  Each time Lily was brought in I had slept, felt refreshed and was ready try nursing.  Lily latched pretty well, and seemed satisfied.  Two of the times she came in her diaper was dirty and Cayce was a trooper and changed her for me.  After the diaper change she was peaceful and ready to eat.  I still felt terrible sending Lily to the nursery and cried when we left her, but I knew the previous night was a disaster and repeating the misery would not be good for anyone.  Low and behold the next day went much better, feeding wise and everything.  We were discharged around 11:00 in the morning and home we went.  

A lot has happened since she’s been home.  We had some major feeding problems, two very sleepless nights, one very informative visit to the pediatrician (who, again is FABULOUS),  and we are currently working through the issues.  She’s sleeping through the night, except to feed, and is not a fussy baby.  She’s sweet, cuddly, and just perfect in every way.  We’ve been blessed and we know it, and we can’t wait to see what Lily grows into.

Denial is a Mother

Well yesterday was a flurry of crazy.

Cayce and I arrived promptly at 2:35 for our 2:30 appointment.  After half an hour of a quality waiting room time we made our way back.  Cayce to room four and me to the scale and obligatory pee cup.  Another week of no weight gain, usually that's a good sign this far into pregnancy, things should be progressing, but not for us :(.   So this was super routine, and then came the fun part.  The nurse asks if I have any complaints.  Normally I don't.  Normally the visit is a quick stop.  This time I rattled of the list, the shoulder/neck/head pain I've been experiencing, lack of sleep, trouble breathing, etc.  The nurse then straps on the blood pressure cuff, proceeds to squeeze the ever loving life out of my right arm.  Hmmm... she asks for my other arm.  Repeat.  She tells us she's going to have someone else try.  She didn't want to worry us, but she's getting a high reading.  I told her at Wal-Mart on Saturday I checked and got a borderline high reading.  In comes another nurse.  Same thing.  I'm told to strip on down and the Dr. is going to want to put me on the monitor.  The nurse tells me to lay on my left side.  While I'm laying there waiting for the Dr. the midwife walks on in.  "So you've been having headaches for four days?"  Huh, I guess so.  She asks if I've had any upper abdominal pain.  Hmm, yeah, I totally thought my tummy was starting to get irritated by food.  Oh, and don't even get me started on the amount of swelling.  Dr. was NOT happy.  I've been so used to the swelling that I really thought it was normal.  I'm totally embarrassed I was able to totally explain away my high bp symptoms.    Ugh.  denial, denial, denial.  So I'm strapped to the monitor.  Immediately the midwife turns to me, are you feeling that contraction?  Nope, sure not.   The dr. and midwife discuss what they're seeing on the monitor and agree Lily looks excellent.  Me on the other hand, totally not so hot.  I'm still thinking everything will be fine and we'll talk about maybe inducing later in the week or something.  It's the midwife's words that alert me to the severity of the situation.  She tells us she was supposed to do my cervix check today, but since it will probably be Dr. N staying up with us that night for delivery it makes sense for Dr. N to check.  Excuse me.  Did she just say what I think she said??  Now the nerves set in.  Dr. goes ahead with the cervix check.  1 1/2 cm.  But she does something in there, who knows what, it hurt like a B and she says "just trying to help things along."  Okay.  Dr. starts talking again, and reaffirms what the midwife said.  They're sending us to labor and delivery for further observation, and if anything suspect shows up we're kicking this baby out.  Then the strangest thing happens.  I just started bawling.  You would think I would take this news with a happy face, but holy Lord, I did not.  Everyone's now in a tizzy.   "Are you afraid of the labor?"  "Are you scared about having a baby?" etc. etc. I just profusely apologized between sobs and choked out something about "everything."  Meanwhile Cayce's holding onto my head whispering words of encouragement, the midwife's holding my hand, and the Dr. is throwing as many tissues at me that her quick little hands could gather.  You would have thought something tragic was happening.  Embarrassing!  Ugh.  So I managed some semblance of composure and sucked back the tears.  Dr.  tells us again the plan for the night and proceeds to say if not tonight, we'll induce in 4 days - Thursday, 39 weeks.  We stop at the window to pay our two cent bill, literally, two cents.  The receptionist asks when we want to do our bio physical profile/ ultrsound.  Huh, missed that, but there it was written on the order form, BPP/US, 3 days.  The only slot available was 4:00 on Thursday.  Now we're getting confused.  As if we weren't already.

We walked next door to the hospital.  Checked in, ushered back to the pretty L&D room, given my gown and told to get comfy.  I'm hooked up once again to the monitor.  "Are you feeling that contraction?" Nope.  We do the whole ask a million health questions, and then it dawns on me we're not prepared for this at all.  Our bags aren't totally packed, we don't even have a bag packed for Lily, a stack of books are ready for me to pick up at the library, and a million things still need to be done at home. So in between answering the million questions Cayce and I are working on the list of things still needed to be done.  Loved the part in the questionnaire when the nurse asked if I struggled with rational thought, insert Cayce's response,
"she's asking me bring the whole house to the hospital, that's rational right?" hardy, har, har, he's so funny.  He did have a point I suppose.  After check in started the "24 hour urine collection."  This is disgusting.  I won't detail, but I will say thankfully my 24 hours is over in 45 mins.  Cayce headed home to tackle the monumental list, and I tried, unsuccessfully, to get comfortable.  At some point another nurse came in to draw blood.  Eww.  Nice reminder of what is in store needle wise for the actual delivery.  Sometime after my 4th or 5th trip to the bathroom I'm ushered off to the ultrasound tech.  Cayce still hadn't returned by this point, and I worried about him coming back to an empty room.  The u/s was fun.  It was sad not having Cayce there.  He totally missed watching Lily move her mouth around, similar to sucking.  It was awesome.  The tech was looking for "practice breathing," but after about 30 mins on the monitor and no practice breathing she gave up.  Who knows what that means.  I then got the pleasure of waiting IN THE HALL for 30 mins for someone to wheel me back to my room.  Seriously, if I understood where I was I would have wheeled myself.  The only thing I could think about while waiting was the terrible state of my nails.  I have peeling paint on them, and I was mad at myself for not taking the time to strip them b/c now all of my first pics with Lily would have my trashy nails in them.  The things I focus on.  I FINALLY made my way back to the room.  Cayce was there!  He said they wouldn't let him come back to the u/s.  He was really disappointed.  So at this point I've been monitored for 6 hrs.  My blood pressure was steadily going down, and the final reading was 116/68.  Very normal for me.  In the process of  unhooking myself for yet another bathroom run the nurse comes in.  We're FREE!  The dr. consented to send us home.  And by us I mean me and my pretty orange bio-hazard urine jug. *shudder*

Cayce and I came home watched the second half of Celebrity Apprentice off the dvr and made our way to bed.  I tossed and turned all night.  I'm hurting pretty good now.  I suppose it has something to do with Dr. N's "help."  I called and left a message with Dr. N asking if we're still planning on induction for Thursday.  Still no word.  I've been pretty productive today, and relaxed at the same time.  I successfully cooked and froze 3 meals for after Lily and washed up a bunch of towels, sheets, and blankets for guests, and filled up the bio-hazard jug.  Yesterday I was nervous and scared about what was happening, but now that I've had a day to think about it I'm ready to go.  If we don't induce on Thursday I will definitely be disappointed.  I felt totally unprepared yesterday.  Yesterday was a shock and too soon, but now I'm ready for this!

Tomatoes and woes

I haven't necessarily had strong cravings through out the pregnancy.  If anything I've had more "aversions" than cravings.  Oh how I miss you sauerkraut.  Hopefully you'll taste yummy again after Lily pops out. *sigh*  However, last week I discovered a real, true, craving, the incredible, delish, tomato.  It was quite by accident.  With the weather finally warming up to its South Carolinian potential Cayce took the time to charcoal hamburgers one evening.  Well I felt terribly indulgent knowing we were having only burgers and fries, so Lily needed a veggie to go with the meal.  I remembered, AH HA, I had grape tomatoes left over from the salad I had been noshing on for the week.  The logistics of putting tiny cherry tomatoes on my burger posed an issue, but I decided I'd just slice each in half, similar to a dill pickle chip, and put a few on there.  I'm lucky ANY tomatoes made it onto the burger.  I started slicing, and started eating them.  OMG, they were so delicious!  I probably ate 6 whole ones while trying to just slice a few for my burger.  I could not get enough.  From that evening on I've found a way to incorporate tomatoes into every meal.  I even sauteed chicken with onion, tomatoes, and olive oil for supper one night (and Cayce actually ATE the tomatoes, of course not the onions, but, baby steps, baby steps).  When I can't figure out a way to add tomatoes in the meal, I've just started slicing and putting them on my plate like a side.  Cayce finds this disgusting, but I figure if I'm going to crave something, better tomatoes than deep fried oreos (which actually sounds disgusting).  Here's hoping Lily will develop a taste for the yummy fruit!  I think this summer I'll try one of those cherry tomato plants in a pot. Mmm vine ripened tomatoes.  Surely I can't kill one of those.    Surely. 

On the baby front we're at 38 weeks today!  My pregnancy induced carpal tunnel has gotten worse.  I pretty much have no feeling in my right middle and index fingers.  This has made using all the glassware in our kitchen pretty scary.  Lily's either making herself comfy on a nerve somewhere or I've hurt my neck somehow.  For two days now I've been unable to sleep laying down.  I have an excruciating pain going from just below my right shoulder blade, up my neck, and into the base of my head.  Standing, walking, even sitting to an extent is pain free, but the minute I lay down the pain dramatically intensifies.  I did not sleep at all Tuesday night.  I'm sure that helped my blood pressure.  I took a long hot shower around 7:30 AM and was able to knock whatever loose and sleep for about two hours, and then it was BACK.  I can lay comfortably on my back.  Since that's a no-no, that realization hasn't helped much.  Lily had the hiccups yesterday afternoon and while I knew she was alive and kicking I took that time and laid down on my back on the couch.  I fell asleep for about an hour.  I have tried all the stretches I learned from a physical therapist, have had Cayce give me deep back rubs, taken way too much tylenol for my comfort (not that it helped AT ALL), tried to lay down every which way, tried to sleep in the recliner, and wore an icy hot patch all day, all in vain.  Finally, last night I think I was just so exhausted that around midnight I was able to just pass out.  I was able to get a solid night's sleep.  Cayce told me today that I must have been sleeping well because I was snoring loud.  He on the other hand was not able to sleep well because of my snoring, but he said he knew I was finally sleeping and didn't want to wake me like he normally does when I start snoring.  So I thank him for that.  I kept telling myself if I could just get a good night's sleep the pain would go away.  It hasn't.  It's not as bad as it was Tuesday or yesterday, but it's there.  If it hasn't markedly improved by Monday I'll mention it at my appointment.  My main concern isn't the pain.  It's the lack of sleep.  The last time I went without sleep my blood pressure suffered greatly.  Since it's already trying to creep up, the current no sleeping will not help at all.  On Monday I was told to do nothing, literally, to try and get my pressure down.  I'm to focus all my blood flow to Lily, not my legs and limbs, telling me not to walk much, shop, clean, etc.  We were warned if I didn't get control of the blood pressure they would opt to induce, but my body is not ready for labor at all, and she said it would most likely end up a c-section.  No, no, no, I do not want a c-section.  So here's to being lazy, trying to minimize the pain, and SLEEP.  All so once Lily's here I'm not worried about the recovery from major abdominal surgery, but I can just focus all my energy on loving, cuddling, and caring for the little princess.

Nesting.... or not

We're on the "final countdown" *cue Rocky 4's "Final Countdown"*  I'm assuming I'm setting myself up for major failure here.  If there were a term to describe my baby preparations it would be: lackadaisical.  Just a more friendly way of saying LAZY.  Cayce on the other hand has taken to this "nesting" thing with a vigor never before seen in our 6 year marriage.  It was Cayce who, sneakily might I add, started washing Lily's blankets and clothing (don't ask, apparently there's some deep seeded anxiety on my part regarding the finality to washing baby clothes).  It was Cayce who found and purchased Lily's beautiful bassinet (I was at home completely oblivious to this endeavor).  It was Cayce who insisted on finally taking Lily's crib out of the garage and putting it together.  It was Cayce who insisted we find a suitable piece of furniture for comfy feedings.  It was Cayce who has eagerly put together every. single. baby. contraption. delivered to our door the minute he crosses our threshold after work, regardless of the level of weariness the RMC has left him that day. It was Cayce who installed our new ceiling fan in the bedroom (purely for Lily's comfort during the impending hot, steamy, SC summer). It was Cayce who brought my car to a super fantastic measure of cleanliness when he, two weeks ago, insisted on installing Lily's car seat. It was Cayce who dragged me all over Savannah and back buying the necessities for my "hospital bag;" this started about 3 weeks ago...  It was Cayce who took both our vehicles in for their oil change. Cayce's also *gasp* taken over supper prep a few nights!  He has also managed to search out every random "housekeeping" duty that needs tending to and attacked these chores full steam ahead: shampooing the carpet, raking and burning leaves, sorting and cleaning junk from the garage, organizing the mystery tupperware cabinet, and organizing Lily's closet (by clothing size and age) and her bathroom.  In other words if one were to judge solely by the level of preparation and activity who's excited for this baby it would be very difficult to make an argument for me.  So while Cayce's been working himself to the bone getting ready for our precious baby what have I done?  Sleep, pee, eat...sound familiar?  Well, and waddle a bit too.   I will forever be grateful for the amazing amount of care, love, and attention Cayce has given me during this pregnancy. He's gotten me countless glasses of water, carried umpteen loads of laundry up and down the stairs, driven me through the Dairy Queen drive through for at least 50 dip cones, loaded the dishwasher at least 200 times, given me lots of back and foot rubs, and sat through hours of baby prep classes. We all know if I had had things *my* way (and God laughs at me here) I would have loved to have been on my 2nd or 3rd baby by now, but sometimes those "unanswered prayers" really are magnificent.  Maybe Cayce and me at 21 and 22 years old would not have been as excited or prepared for bringing another human being into this world, or even at the *ancient* age of 24 and 25, we wouldn't have understood just what a miracle we are being given here.  We have had 6 years to enjoy "us," 6 years to explore, venture, and be selfish, 6 years to work out kinks in our marriage, 6 years to become each others best friend, and 6 years to realize that while our little family is great and wonderful, at least one more soul would make our family even better, even more loving, and even more exciting.  We're emotionally ready for the change and challenge, now we're praying we have the wisdom, skill, and patience to care for Lily.  We'll have millions of questions, millions of concerns, and millions of moments of confusion, but we know we have wonderful family and friends to rely on for support and answers.  So 18 more days for everyone to prepare themselves for onslaught of "HELP!" from the Mautino household.  Eighteen more days for everyone to let it sink in Cayce and Sara are going to be Mommy and Daddy!  Eighteen more days....

First time for everything!

First blog
First Flickr
First baby

Busy night!